I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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