Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
