yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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