Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
