oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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