1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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