Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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