LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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