i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize