you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
