the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
