I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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