i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
