if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize