It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
