i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just want nice things and good sex
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
