I feel like abortions should bother me more
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize