this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize