There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
