We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
