fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize