hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
