peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I looked at my own cervix.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
