Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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