Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
