Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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