I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
