..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
