4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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