I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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