quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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