His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
