I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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