I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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