The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
