Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
