I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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