I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
