I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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