so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
