Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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