not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
