Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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