it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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