i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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