Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
