You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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