you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
