In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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