I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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