P.S. I can't hear my feet
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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