I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
