Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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