i already hear my dad disowning me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
