ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
