We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
