But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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