just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
where am i from again
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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