If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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