now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Hello my rib-scented angel!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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