One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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