Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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