just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
