Who did Billy Mays play for?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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